We took last week off because of Memorial Day (and because I forgot, which seems strangely antithetical to Memorial Day), but we are back with a vengeance today. And I’m going to monkey with the whole nature of the feature for a second straight time. Because I’m transgressive like that. Last time I looked at the season as a whole. This time I’m going to make up for last week and look at the past 14 days instead of 7. That’s twice as much baseball for the same price. Like 18 innings of fun. Whoo. Here we go.
Your MLB Batting WAR Leader of the Week(s): Joey Votto, DUN (1.0 / 3.4)
I thought about just blubbering Dunedin’s name all over this caption, but I figure I’ve done that enough already. But 3.4 WAR already isn’t too shabby. I haven’t seen a Canadian rake like this since that garden tool made out of Moose antlers! Am I right? Right?
Look! It’s M. Cabrera up here at the top, just like we expec-WHAT??: Melky Cabrera, LVE (1.0 / 2.4)
That’s 2.4 wins above replacement in 2 months. In 4 full seasons from 2007-2010, he had 1.2. That would be half.
Man on an Island Section: Troy Tulowitzki, SCV (0.9 / 1.7)
Next season he and Miguel Cabrera might have to communicate with the outside world via notes in bottles.
In Season Debuts: Carlos Quentin, EGC (0.8 / 0.8)
I guess he can fall out of bed and start hitting. The problem is that he breaks 3 bones and strains a hamstring when he falls out of bed.
And an old face arrives: Albert Pujols, FDQ (0.8 / 0.2)
We knew Albert would turn it around. It’s not like he’s 37 years old or something. Or something. It’s NOT like that.
Your MLB Pitching WAR Leader of the Week(s): Dan Haren, FDQ (1.1 / 1.9)
He moves from Vegas to Ft. Duquesne for a playoff run and immediately ends up here. Is Cooper the anti-Chad? The anti-Midas? Trade a player and then he turns to gold? By the way, if you’re wondering whether Dan Haren is worth his weight in gold, the answer is yes and more. 200 pounds of gold is worth a bit more than $3 million. So go get it.
Dispatch from the Greenback junkheap: James McDonald, ARI (0.7 / 2.2)
I’m already tired of hearing Hobbs say the phrase “J-Mac.” It’s not as bad as “F-Her,” but it’s pretty damn bad.
The Anti-Anti-Midas Touch Theory: Gio Gonzalez, LVE (0.7 / 2.5)
I’m pretty much convinced that Chad has secret footage of Gio Gonzalez steering a car into a brick wall and he just can’t get the image out of his head. Half a year of undervaluing him and then he’s off to Vegas.
And I’m Depressed Again: Matt Cain, ARI and Adam Wainwright, ARI (both 0.6)
We narrowly averted the Josh Willinghamilton disaster when Chad traded Willingham to Cooper instead of Hobbs. But next season will mark the return of Cainwright. Oh goody. Goody for me.